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What is a healthy way to vent?

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By FoundCare's Behavioral Health Team

What is emotional dumping?

Emotional dumping is an act of unconsciously sharing your feelings or perspective without an awareness of the other person and their emotional state or needs. Emotional dumping typically occurs as a heightened reactive response to a triggering event that is relived and repeated within a conversation. There is no open feedback, no desire for a solution, and most often, a one-sided conversation. Someone who engages in emotional dumping plays the victim and is usually defensive when given advice.

Signs of Emotional Dumping

You feel spent, used, unappreciated, or stressed after a conversation with a friend or loved one. A friend or loved one call or texts you repeatedly and at all hours with their problems with no regard for your time.

You feel like your conversations are always one-sided.

You feel like your friend or loved one does not listen to you or take your advice.

Your feelings are ignored despite being communicated.

You feel more like a therapist than a friend or member of the family.

Your conversations feel toxic and weigh heavily on your mind.

How to Set Boundaries around Emotional Dumping

Creating boundaries to protect your well-being is a form of self-love and respect. It is natural to feel guilty at first. With practice, you can choose who you give your time and energy to (this is easier said than done when dealing with someone you love). Being open and honest by communicating what you need is always the best solution. However, it may take ignoring phone calls or answering texts later on (or not at all) to get your point across (silence is also a boundary). If you have made it clear that you will no longer be an emotional dumping ground and nothing changes, then it may be time to step away from the relationship altogether. Sometimes the most supportive thing you can do for another is to encourage them to seek help in other ways (like with a therapist) before honoring your boundary. “I understand you are hurt right now, and I want to be there for you. I am just not in the space to listen right now.” “I would appreciate it if you ask me where I am at before diving into what is going on for you.” “I am going through a lot myself right now; I am not able to listen right now.”

“Now is not a good time for me.”

“I notice this situation keeps happening. Have you thought about reaching out for guidance from a therapist or counselor who can help you work through this?”

What is venting?

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Venting is a healthy and helpful exchange between two people. A healthy venting session occurs when the listener supports the person venting by offering supportive responses, empathy for their situation, and actively listens. Someone who engages in venting is aware of the emotional state of the listener. They are self-reflective rather than reactive or defensive and seek a solution and honest feedback. They do not look to vent in the heat of the moment and prefer to express themselves within a specified time that meets the needs of the person listening.

Signs of Healthy Venting

Your emotional well-being is considered before the conversation starts.

You are allowed to decide whether the conversation happens and when it happens. You genuinely want to listen and help however you can because you are in a good mental space. You have plenty of opportunities to provide feedback, advice, or be an active listener.

You feel that your feedback and advice are heard.

You both feel valued and respected after the conversation has ended.

How to Honor the Emotional State of Others

Venting is a healthy way to deal with the stress life presents. Before you begin, it is important to check on your friend or loved one's emotional state. Let your listener know whether you need helpful feedback, advice, or need them to lend an ear. They may not always be in the right state to take on your problems, and that is okay. Do not take this personally. Here are a few ways you can check in on the emotional state of your friend or loved one before venting: “I would love to share what is going on for me. Are you in a space to listen?” “I am struggling with . Is it ok if I vent about something that just happened?” “Work has become so stressful. It is affecting me. Can I talk to you about it?” “I notice that I am feeling triggered. Do you have space to offer some support?” “I am having a really hard time right now and could use someone to talk to, but I wanted to check in with you first. How are you feeling?” If you are experiencing mental health challenges, it can be beneficial to see a doctor first to find out if any underlying health issues are causing you distress. Our providers can then refer you to a behavioral health specialist at FoundCare. Call 561-432-5849 to schedule an appointment or visit NAMI.org for a list of available resources.

foundcare.org - Emotional Dumping vs. Healthy Venting - FoundCare

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